We have probably all heard the phrase; families are like quilts. Well, sometimes that quilt can feel a little heavy. As the holidays approach, I want to talk about something I have been working on. Family is one of our greatest gifts but it can also be a challenge! A couple years ago I discovered that I was creating this story in my mind of what was going to happen long before the event even transpires. And this story wasn’t always positive. For example, I would walk into a family gathering and everything would happen just as I had dreaded.
Around this same time, I learned something interesting. Did you know that 55% of what we communicate is body language, 38% is the tone of voice and only 7% is our actual words spoken? So, when you walk in the door and think your family doesn’t know what you’re thinking or feeling, guess what? They do! The energy coming off you is telling them everything they need to know about your thoughts and feelings. So how much of their response is just responding to your energy? How often are you creating your own drama?
That was quite an eye-opener for me! I wanted to blame my family members for all the issues we all had with each other, when in reality, I was a direct cause! So how do we change that? First of all, we need to write a different story. If you could have the perfect thanksgiving dinner with your family what would it look like? Put those thoughts in your head. Start expecting, yes expecting that positive story to happen instead of the negative one. I think we all at times struggle with those around us. A couple years ago, I was having my own struggle with someone. I decided to start telling myself – I love this person! This person loves me! Those were the thoughts I wanted running through my head instead of the rest. Those were the thoughts I wanted my body language and tone of voice to say.
I think some of us have trained our brain to have a knee jerk reaction to the holidays. So let’s retrain our brains to see them through different glasses. Let’s put that positive energy out there and let them react to that.
So how do we focus on the positive once the crowds descend? One thing I want to do this year is to start a new tradition. You could do this with a quilt or a tablecloth or a quilted tablecloth! I’ve run out of time to quilt anything for thanksgiving this year, so I purchased a couple tablecloths. Because Thanksgiving is all about the food, I want to decorate my tablecloths with a permanent marker. I want everyone at my table to write or draw something they are thankful for. Something like stretchy pants. Yes, I do love those stretchy pants! Or pumpkin pie or naps. I could go on and on. Then I’m going to have them put their name and the year next to what they write because next year the tablecloths are coming back out.
I’m hoping those tablecloths will get written on year after year. One day we can all laugh at what we wrote 5 years ago and the stain we left from the cranberry salad next to it! It might be a good idea to place a piece of cardboard under the tablecloth as you’re writing. We don’t want to leave a permanent message on the table. That could cause all kinds of new family issues!
Happy quilting!
The Grateful Quilter 